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I'm DONE! weigh in 3...

My mojo has gone... sigh ... and when that happens I tend to wallow in 'poor old me' zone until someone or something kicks me in the butt! I was up this week and I knew it was coming... I didn't track... didn't drink my water.. and didn't do my normal exercise routine... I was all a bit meh...


The lovely Patsy Kensit at a Weight Watchers meeting... 

But after my meeting I felt like someone had lifted the cloud... my leader is SO motivating... she's funny and normal and understands the weight loss process... she gets the frustration and how you can beat yourself up over a bar of chocolate... but it's also the other people in my class... we all come from different places in life.. there's a new mum... a bride to be and her entire family losing weight for the big day.. there's lots like me.. who just want to be healthy and feel better in their own skin... and even though our paths may not cross all week... we're all different ages.. different lifestyles... boys and girls.. but we're a little clique all to ourselves... when someone misses a class we miss them... when someone is up, we get 'em back on track... and this week that was me...

This week is about writing lists... one of the most important ones... your shopping list... 



This works... write down only what you need... and stick to it! Plan your meals for the week... you'll save money and stop throwing out food that you don't use! Never mind the bargains and BOGOFF's... don't imagine you'll have guests and get treats 'just in case' because if they don't turn up.. you'll treat yourself!



Another list... that little card they give you in class.. or that little notebook where you write down your weight losses ... looking back you can see that you CAN do it... and you HAVE done it... and you ARE able to... and for fecks sake COME ON!!!



Another list is your list of goals... and I don't mean 'win a grammy' or 'snog George Clooney' there's a queue for him by the way... your own little list of goals... travel to see the great wall of china... learn to surf... get a pink retro bike (in my top five!)... and just leave them where you can see them... in your diary... on your phone... where you won't lose sight of the bigger picture... and the healthier future you have too! Who wants to be out of breathe on the great wall of china let alone on the fancy pink bike! 




Your friends and family list.. saboteurs, get rid! cling ons, be gone! Have a list of people you can call on who know what you're doing and WHY! You're not trying to deprive them of a life of chocolatey happiness... but if they support you... then you support them... you want them to be healthy and happy... you also want to share a bag of chips after the pub instead of eating a whole bag on your own with a burger ... and god knows what else...  


I also have another personal list... I've mentioned it on here before but was always afraid to share it... I'm getting very brave in my old age ... I've only ever shown it to my 3 closest friends and every single one of them cried (not my intention!) because they didn't know this is how I really felt about myself... they were sad that this is how I felt about me... and I was too... I'm so good at covering up how I really feel and they had no idea... I'm always the one to say 'I'm grand... don't worry about me...' when I'm not... but I read it last night and thought it was time to share... it's long... you've been warned! 



I’m done!!!! 

I am done blaming everybody and everything else for my obesity… 
I am done accepting verbal and mental torture from random strangers who don’t know anything about me… 
I am done being a compulsive over eater 
I am done over eating… 
I am done being worried that I wont find something in my size …
I am done being concerned that I don’t look good in something because of my size… 
I am done being making excuses…  
I am done stressing out about my size and letting it affect what and how i eat...
I am done being the Funny Fat Friend thats great to talk to and hang out with, 
   but doesn’t get included in things because she’s fat and they don't want to embarrass me... 
I am done being paranoid about eating in public, like I’m being judged by what i order and 
   how i eat it… ‘SHE’S ordering chicken wings .. really?!’
I am done being paranoid about what I buy at the supermarket, if someone looks in my trolly, 
   would they approve? 
I am done feeling sorry for myself! I’m tired of hiding behind fat clothes, 
   this summer I'm gonna be comfortable!
I am done being super self conscious... 
I am done lying to myself...
I am done being lazy...
I am done trying to hide my body... 
I am done not wearing the clothes I WANT too but the clothes 
   I HAVE to to cover me up and make the best of a bad body!
I am done wearing high heels and sitting down most of the time cause they hurt... 
   I LOVE my shoes too much not to show em off!
I am done not living the best life I can and not just for me but for my loved ones too
I am done putting myself last on the priority list. 
I am done watching minutes and days fly by without counting toward 
   something greater than where I'm at... 
I am done being overweight and unhealthy. ..
I am done being unhappy with myself...
I am done making myself feel that I'm not good enough... 
I am done feeling bad about what I did to myself... 
I am done being afraid to wear shorts in public... 
I am done being jealous...
I am done going shopping with them and hanging out with the accessories because 
   I'm too fat to buy the clothes in their shops
I am done feeling sorry for myself!
I am done being embarrassed to be me...
I am done thinking I'm not good enough...
I am done feeling tired before everyone else...
I am done shopping in only plus size shops!
I am done not being able to wear cute high heeled boots cause my calves are too big...  
I am done never wearing an actual dress, only trousers, skirts and tops 
   because I think they hide my belly better.  
I am done carrying around what feels like a whole other person everywhere I go... 
I am done saying the words "If only.." and "I wish.." and "One day.." 
I am done using food to make myself feel better, it doesn't work... 
I am done squeezing into my own bathtub... 
I am done saying 'tomorrow' ...
I am done saying I wished I looked like that! 
I am done just lying there when I could be on top!! 
I am done with the sensible bullet proof knickers.. I want lacy MATCHING stuff and I wanna see it!!!!
I am done feeling embarrassed when we go out to eat because 
  I know people are waiting for me to pig out... 
I am done with shopping in the "special sizes" section, and with the assumption that just 
   because I'm fat, I must have no sense of taste! 
I am done letting the crisps win... 
I am done with the muffin tops 
    and muffin sides, and muffin bottoms, and any other muffin related issues!!! 
 I am done pretending that my weight doesn't bother me...
I am done feeling tired all the time because I drag this big body around... 
I am done making excuses not to lose weight... 
I am done thinking I'm ugly just because I'm fat... 
I am done with inhibition (going at it with gusto this time! woohoo!)  
I am done dreading trying to find jeans that will fit over my ass... 
I am done with letting my weight run my life for me!!! 
I am done treating my body like its junk... 
I am done making excuses because I'm too afraid I'll fail! 
   failure is not an option this time so there is no excuse! 
I am done being looked down on for being overweight...
I am done being teased...  
I am done getting weight lectures from my doctor... 
I am done having 3 chins... 
I am done being the fat girl with 'such a pretty face'...
I am done being self conscious about what my arms look like when I wear sleeveless tops... 
I am done starting a diet and then just falling off again... 
I am done making excuses... 
I am done feeling like the "ugly" friend... 
I am done starting and stopping...
I am done thinking that my self worth has anything to do with what I weigh...  
I am done not being confident anymore...
I am done not feeling appreciated...
I am done relying on food to make me happy! 
I am done feeling guilty! 
I am done with sitting on the sidelines!
I am done letting others effect me!!  
I am done listening to negative thoughts!! 
I am done with negativity!! 
I am done not believing in me 100%!!   
I am done wasting time feeling bad about myself!  
I am done thinking that I have something to prove to others!  This is all for me! 
I am done stressing about hurtful family members and their big mouths... 
I am done letting words hurt me that come from people that have never had a weight problem!
I am done with stretch jeans... 
I am done with granny underwear... 
I am done covering up my cozzie on holidays...
I am done worrying if I'm going to fit in the restaurant booth... 
I am done undressing in the dark... 
I am done wondering if the people snickering next to me are doing so because of my weight... 
I am done squeezing into what I used to call "my fat jeans". 
I am done giving away cute clothes because I don't believe I can ever wear them again... 
I am done feeling like the least attractive girl at the party... 
I am done buying clothes with elastic waistbands... 
I am done wasting my precious life ...
I am done wishing I looked like someone else... 
I am done holding myself back... 
I am done putting myself last and feeling alone about it... 
I am done doing for others because I'm the big girl and what else would I be doing...  
I am done saying I don't have time for me, I'm important.. I need to make time for me! 
I am done being scared that I won't fit in places... 
I am done getting out of breath just going upstairs... 
I am done being the FAT friend...
I am done with not having energy. ..
I am done hiding in my own house! 
I am done not being able to cross my legs, like a lady...
I am done putting off life until I am "skinny"... 
I am done with plus size clothes not even fitting right...   
I am done with putting everyone else before me and my health... 
I am done feeling like I am going to burst right out of my clothes... 
I am done with the rolls of fat that have grown with the sadness... 
I am done with feeling miserable all the time... 
I am done wearing black everyday because it slims, yeah right!
I am done with hearing "you have such a pretty face, if only you lost a bit of weight... 
I am done looking into the mirror and not recognizing the person starring back at me! 
I am done not having the outside, match who is on the inside! 

I am done DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE!!!!!


Clearly I was DONE!!! but when I feel like I'm hitting a wall... I read it... I read it last night... and I realise that some things on the list don't even apply to me any more... Lots of things on that list don't even bother me now.. but it reminds me of where I've been and I don't want to go back there... and THAT gives me the kick in the pants I need... 

I wrote it in anger... I was in a very sad place at the time... I remember crying whilst I typed it, hence all the typos and spaces ... but I was furious... furious at me! I know there are lots of things that sound the same... but looking back now I know those issues meant so much... Now I read it with a touch of sadness and realise that I'm a lot stronger and more capable than I ever thought I was... and I'd like to be friends with that girl and give her a hug... 

SO if this is what it takes... do it! Write a list of where I guarantee by the time you've finished reading it you'll not only be back on the wagon... you'll be driving it! 

Sorry its a long post... I do tend to babble...  Have a super Easter weekend and enjoy every second of it ... its a great time for family and friends and the Easter bunny! and whatever you do... don't regret or feel guilty over the weekend... life is very short... 


Tangent... My first attempt at 'easter nails!" I got a new dotting tool on eBay for a couple of euro and I'm in love ... I see a lot of polka dots in my future! It really is the little things... 

Chart below.. everyone is flying!!! Skinny for summer!!! I'm on a mission to be down next week if I have to chop off a limb! If I've forgotten you or missed your weigh in.. shout... also I think I've got all the Emmas right! eek! 






43 comments

  1. Such a great read!!! Im making my own im done list now !jellie bellie is down 3 pounds whoo im done putting it back up

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  2. Great blog this week!!! I was down 4.5lbs this week :D

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  3. Fab post, your so honest about how up and down things can be with weight loss! And the Easter nails are brilliant!!

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    1. aw thanks... and I'm becoming obsessed with the dotting tool though! LOL

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  4. Great post and so true! I was down a half pound last week and up 2 and a half this week! So.....I had a good holiday in Prague :) ;)

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    1. pooh did you have a fab time? I've been there once for a friends bday and its so beautiful x

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  5. Wow you really nailed how I feel with the post. I nodded along as I read everyword. I feel like printing it off and showing it to my friends and saying 'this is the torture my mind puts me though everyday!!' I think I am going to print it off and put it on my motivation wall so I can read it daily and think, 'Enough is Enough!!'

    Anyways I have loads more to say about this but I don't want to hijack the comments section. Just want to say I think you are amazing and I hope you are really done with the negativity that you feel because you deserve the very best.

    Oh and I was down 4lbs this week. More good luck than good eating!

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    1. aw thanks... its all in the mindset isn't it! One more pound to half a stone!!! Fantastic loss! x

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  6. Incredible post. I have something very similar wrote in a diary. I remember the day vividly - I was in Tescos, avoiding the sweet aisle in case people would judge me, and I heard kids laughing. I immediately became paranoid that they were laughing at my size (they were miles away like!) and started freaking out. How could I become a teacher at this size?! So I made a list just like yours and here I am! Well done. I can't wait to read your 'Here's what I have done' list. ;-)

    I was down 2.5lbs this week - ran for my fricken life I did!!!

    Chin up doll - we'll get there. x

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    1. Oh paddy we're kindred spirits! I think the lady in tesco thought I had about 5 kids!!! Now she's looking at the fruit trolly wondering if I've given them all away! LOL Great loss this week! x

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  7. Fantastically written and so true to life.
    Am the same as last week but at least im not up��

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    1. exactly! You're maintaining! well done! x

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  8. That list sounds just like I could have written it!!
    Big Hugs to you Doll... I'm back on the wagon but only clinging onto the back on if by a fingernail!!!!
    Down 0.5lbs this week

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    1. down down down... slowy but surely! well done! x

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    1. Brilliant! quarter of a stone gone so far! x

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  10. Down a pound this week. Happy Easter to all! FitFab40

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  11. Well done you - I can tick off every point you made in the 'I'm done' - I think I might print it so that every time I feel like i'm going 'off the track' I can read it and pick myself up because slowly I am loosing some of those 'I'm done' and they are becoming memories and not things of the present. Have a lovely easter - just about to start writing this week's blog as a major catch up since my sister's wedding. I've sent you a msg about my wi this week - I am soooo annoyed with myself but then reading this makes me feel like it's not too bad :) xxx

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    1. It will happen! And with all the excitement over the last few weeks you'll get there! Wedding looked fab! worth every second... xxx

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  12. Great post. Can relate to so many on your list. Thanks for sharing. I stayed the same this week. Stupid time of the month always does that to me or adds a few. Hopefully I'll be down next week.xxx

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    1. I hate when our bodies work against us! Silly hormones! Stick with it xxx

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  13. great post!! thats a lot of DONE's but I can relate to pretty much all of them!

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    1. Its mad when you find out that other people feel exactly the same way about themselves.... and so sad that we can't like ourselves a bit more... But at least we're getting better at it! x

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  14. Great post :) . With regards to the chart, you have me on there twice - under Emma S and again under Em St . My three losses so far are -5 , -1 and -7 . Sorry for the confusion Doll, have a nice weekend x

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    1. Totally my fault, I get all excited doing the chart and copy and paste like a mad thing! AMAZING LOSSES.. 1 more to the stone! woo hoo! x

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    1. Excellent! slow and steady is the best way to lose it! well done! x

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  16. Brilliant post, totally relatable! I am still in Oz with no access to scales but I reckon I will be up when I am home next weekend but sure I can worry about that then! Happy Easter ��

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    1. ah you get a hall pass cause you're in the best country in the world (Im not THAT biased!) Have a fab and safe trip home.. and fresh start when you get back into the groove! x

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  17. Brilliant post, I'm going to do a list. At the minute I'm using a notebook as a tracker and I've written my kids' names on some pages, had a meltdown a few weeks ago because I'm well used to abusing my own body but I had an awful, awful attack of the guilts at the very real possibility that I could cause myself some serious harm and leave them with a dead/sick/useless Mam if I don't cop on and sort this out. I wasted my 20s feeling stuck in my own body and I'll be damned if I'm going to do it all through my 30s as well. I'm 100% in the zone, long may it continue, I was nodding along with so much of this list! I was down 6 this week.

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    1. Holy smokes mama! 6! well done! You sound like I did when I wrote mine ... mad at myself and you know what... some time you just need a good talking to! Those little men and the big man are the luckiest boys on the planet! and now they get a healthy fit mama to boot! fantastic loss! x

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  18. Replies
    1. great! you're making good choices and maintaining! x

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  19. I definitely need a list!

    2.75 off for me this week - woo hoo!

    Sx

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  20. Hey Doll :-)

    After a great trip to the Netherlands and to Galway to see my friends and my mieces bday party I have to admit I gained 6.5lbs as of last Friday! Thought it would be more so thankfully it wasn't. Hope to be down even half a lb this week after a family bday party :-)

    Adventures of a melting diva (grainne) *fone won't let me sign into my account* xx

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    1. I've always said... life is to be lived and you know you can lose it, so relax and get back into the groove when life calms down ... enjoy living it to the full.. it'd be a sad world if we couldn't enjoy our travels! x

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  21. Forgot to post. 4lb down since the start of challenge.
    love the post

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  22. That list could be my list - Hell every woman in the world would probably admit (in their darkest most secretive moments) to having many of those items on their list. Thanks for sharing doll.

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