It has been hard... really hard... disheartening... I've wanted to give up so many times.. I have binged... not tracked... cried... been so angry with myself... driven round the roundabout on the way to class twice talking myself into going, people of Terenure I'm not lost I swear... I've had two amazing leaders and honestly that's half the battle... I'm happy to get a telling off every Thursday when I know I've been bold... but I also want someone who understands how much I want this and when I've tried hard and the results aren't showing, I just need a bit of a lift... both of them have done that... But for every 'you've stayed the same' or 'You're down a half pound..' Here I am, 7stone 3.5lbs lighter... in my mind, I'm over the hardest part and I'll tell you why...
Before I started "properly", you know that 'Oprah moment' you're suppose to have... well something just clicked... I'd had enough, I was so fed up with myself... My knees hurt... I had no neck... I was breathless doing the smallest things... I was judged for my size... Not my skills or personality... But I stuck with it this time... I'm now at a point where some of the things on my 'I'm Done' list >>> HERE <<< are well and truly done... I'm never going back there... Below are my weigh-in cards for the last two years (I re-wrote them out neatly)... It's baby steps... This weight didn't go on overnight... I didn't go to bed and wake up 10 stone heavier... I'm an emotional gal... Food was my friend when I thought I had none... I was at a very low point... Slowly but surely, I've taken better care of myself and stopped worrying about others who didn't worry about me... I'm a people pleaser... and I realised I had to start pleasing myself first, put ME at the top of my list for a change... Despite the number on the scales... I can buckle a belt on a plane, FYI never scream in delight in an enclosed plane... ahem... I can walk upstairs without stopping... I can shop in 'normal' shops... I've got my collarbones back, nearly... My blood pressure / skin / energy levels are all better! I can walk into a restaurant and not care who is staring at me ... I'm having my lunch and pointing it so feck off... I appear to have developed a bit of an attitude problem too!
Sometimes we get so hung up on a number... Here's a non scale victory that happened to me a couple of weeks ago coming through passport control in Dublin Airport...
Security guard: NEXT!
Me: *hands over passport trying to look like I'm not a terrorist* (What is that about?!?)
Security guard: *silence* *looks at me... looks at passport* ... *looks at me again.. looks at passport* *finally speaks...* 'Is this your passport?'
Me: 'um.. Yes... God aahhh ...'
*panics and pulls a face that makes me look like I've a handbag full of cocaine*
Security guard: 'Have you lost a bit of weight?'
Me: 'oh... um.. yes' *beetroot face* 'I'm doing weight watchers...
Down 6 and a half stone so far...'
Security guard: 'Fair play to ya ... Next!'
so yeah...
Morto!!! I wanted to kiss him but the queue behind me was massive and everyone was tired, wanted to get the hell outta there... but if I was a little bit braver and a bit more mental, I would have thrown a look at the 'judgey' people in the queue and shouted 'So there!' ... Well that, and I'm pretty sure that safety glass is tough... and I don't want to be done for assault in the airport... Ahem...
So.. What's the bottom line? How did I do it? What miracle was it? Simple...
I didn't give up this time...
Losing weight takes time... It doesn't matter what plan you follow, ProPoints, F&H, Syns, counting calories... it's healthy eating, portion control and exercise... and whatever suits YOU... people often tell me to follow this or that plan... no thanks... I'm happy doing it my way and well done you for doing it yours... but clearly this is what works for me... when I stick with it...
Life happens, and some weeks your body will go against you... but don't give up... periods, bloating, the ice cream man, that one cocktail that turned into a full blown night with a full Irish the next morning ... no matter what, there will always be a wedding, birthday, BBQ, but just enjoy it... In 100 years time will anyone worry that you were ONLY down half a pound last week?! Get a little perspective, life is too short to be miserable...
Measure yourself, that muscle V fat is true... and some people get so upset not realising they're toning up... if only they tried on a tight pair of jeans they would realise their body is changing! My three rolls of belly fat are now just one big belly... yes its big but if you throw me a 'OMG she's huge' look... I'll whip out my WW card so fast you'll be blinded by the silver sevens on the back!
and, finally... half a pound is a massive achievement!!! Don't knock it... look at my cards... it's slow and steady... there's ups and downs... and there's still a way to go.. I'm no where near my goal yet but my body is now at a place where I can work with it better... swim faster... walk further... I feel better about myself... and I know its a cliche but seriously, if I can do it... anyone can...
I started WW many times but this is when I decided enough was enough and I started to record my losses properly on the 2nd August...
Wanna hear something funny... I thought by starting in August, no one would see me in class until the September 'rush' and surely I'd have given up by then...
Whatever you do this week... take it a day at a time... a meal at a time... an hour at a time... but remember you're doing it for you... so don't give up on yourself! xxx
*hides under desk*
