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and finally...

December 31 Prompt: Core story. What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month. Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.)

My story is a recent one.. one that has only come to life in the last 6 months.. I've been hiding myself away.. eating my problems and letting people walk all over me.. I've let them.. and I've only recently found my voice.. and I love it! I know that 2011 is going to be great.. I can already see it.. I can already feel it.. I can tell that so much positive things are going to happen because I'm determined to not let anyone put me down... Life now comes with a bottle of truth serum.. I tell it like it is.. and you know what's strange.. no one seems to be THAT upset about it.. people are just finding another way to get things done... they are realising that if I say NO.. I mean NO.. not my usual "um.. uh.. OK.. well I don't really have the time but I suppose I can put my life on hold to help you".. even though these same people wouldn't do the same for me.. some are shocked.. "what does she mean no?!?!" ... but with shoulders back, and head held high they can see I really mean it.. Some are realising that there is just no messing about anymore.. I've got weight to lose.. a lot of weight.. I've got to finish our house this year.. I want to go back to college.. I want to feel alive again.. I want to feel happy and content.. I come first.. everyone else will just have to wait! Finally it is all about me, me, me! Happy 2011 ... it's looking good! x

SPOLIER ALERT... the gift was edible...

December 30 Prompt: Gift. This month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. What's the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year?

A pic is all this one needs.. in bed morning of my birthday... with the BEST cup of tea... I'd like to say it was something more amazing like world peace or the cure of cancer.. but hey maybe that was someone else's gift!

I'm gonna miss REVERB10!!! Last day tomorrow... sigh...

Excuse me ... I'm having a "moment"

December 29 Prompt: Defining moment. Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year.

image © matthew cabaj

oh dear god.. another moment... am I missing out on all these moments I should be having? Should I be worried? 2010 didn't have a defining moment.. at least nothing life changing.. I suppose taking control of my health is life changing but there was no specific "moment" ... I mean I do have my "moments" and there are those moments in every day life like, being in bed and listening to the rain outside... picking up a towel after a shower and its warm... waking up to see that there's still a couple of hours till the alarm goes off... finding money in your winter coat or a handbag you haven't used for AGES! ... to laugh till it hurts... these are "moments" I have experienced this year and they make me who I am.. there's been awkward moments.. hysterical moments... moments of confusion and bizarre moments.. magic moments.. intimate moments.. tragic moments.. but nothing ground breaking though... nothing that defines my year or defines me.. they just all add up to my year .. and my life.. who I am... I think I should go brainstorm some "defining" moments I should be having in 2011 .. monumental... cathartic.. glorious... humbling... joyful... eek!

What's your number???

December 28 Prompt: Achieve. What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.

I want a healthy BMI

NO.. its not a number on a scale, its not a dress size... I am obese... morbidly obese and this number, a healthy BMI means that I can ease the worry on my family, I can stop stressing about diabetes and all the other problems that I will get if I remain at this weight... I can shop in normal stores... I can walk into a restaurant and not feel my paranoia take over that everyone is staring at me and judging me... some people are just having their dinner (oh the self importance! LOL) ... I will feel content... safe... sane...

1. Go hunt out my mood board... and stare at it!

2. Say out loud - I will succeed!

3. Repeat step 2!

4. Hang up the dress I bought to wear when I get to goal..
Hold it up against me... see how far I have to go.. feel it ..
smell it.. twirl about in it!

5. Check my emails.. everyday I get amazing support from total strangers
who are on the same journey as me.. people who put it to me straight!
Sometimes they don't even know how much they help!

6. Breathe deeply - I am alive, well and happy...
I am healthy and the only way is up!

7. Lovesme unconditionally ...
and there to support me!

8. Delete the "friends" I've accumulated who aren't supportive..
Would I like to be "friends"? .. um NO actually, unless you're a positive,
living-life-to-the-full kinda person .. then no thanks!

9. Plan a healthy supper tonight... holidays are over!

10. Respect myself! right now!

oh joy!

December 27 Prompt: Ordinary joy. Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?

if music be the food of love...

December 26 Prompt: Soul food. What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul?

oh dear god... PURE torture!!! I was going to start being very clever when I glanced at this first thing this morning... I was wafting around .."if music be the food of love..." ... "knowledge is the food of the soul" ... "Music is the movement of sound to reach the soul for the education of its virtue" ... "Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul" ..... blah blah blah... however.. then I read it through and realised they actually MEANT food, real food... What has gone into my mouth to touch my soul??? nothing, I repeat, NOTHING has gone into my mouth and touched my soul! It's landed quite safely on my thighs and hips! Completely bypassed my soul and headed straight to my belly and arms... I'm only just learning to enjoy and savour food again... to eat slowly and TASTE it... not hoover it down to drown out my feelings... I"m only just relearning to respect my body... in 2011 I'm taking my time, slowing down... I'm going to enjoy my food and never pick the same thing from a menu twice when we're going out to a restaurant... variety ... spice of life... to quote Mr. C.S. Lewis "You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body."

a face like mine!

December 25 Prompt: Photo – a present to yourself. Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.

I never thought I'd land in pictures with a face like mine.
Audrey Hepburn

OK a pic of me is a rare thing in this world... I'm far happier vlogging and being on the other side of the camera... I just hate a still pic.. probably because I over analyse them... and deconstruct them... critique them ... but this pic.. taken in a late bar in New York on St. Patrick's day sums me up! We had travelled there to celebrate with the Irish and it was total BALL! This shows that I do have a fun side and its OK to let it shine through... Happy Christmas Doll x

everything is OK...

December 24 Prompt: Everything's OK. What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?


Again this is an easy one... when I asked someone who is just destructive to leave my house because of her behaviour and she was ranting and shouting like a mad woman, I felt such relief.. like a weight had literally been lifted off my shoulders.. normally I'd be driven to tears but there were none! Just a sigh, my shoulders dropped about two inches... and I got on with making dinner... the only way was up! She's no longer under my skin, our skin ... I've since found out she's furious about what's happened because she cant get to me... she can't say spiteful things to me anymore... so job done.. the trick now is to keep her there! I've learned that if you just "switch off" to the emotional blackmail... and tune out people who aren't good for you... then life is pretty good.. surround yourself with people who care and love you and the battle is half won!

my... MY... MMYYYYYYY....

December 23 Prompt: New name. Let's meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?

Today, for one day only.. I introduce to you.. Delilah!! MY.... MY..... MYYYYY!
As that stereotypical 70s child.. I always wanted to be called something like... RAIN.. or MOONBEAM.. and when I got to "that" age when I was CLEARLY adopted and I was a teenager therefore I knew EVERYTHING .. I concluded they MUST have hated me when they did not to call me FREEDOM or MEADOW... damn them .. even Starlight would have done .. so how have I come to Delilah??? well I'm thinking its the BAD gal in me... you know the whole cutting of Samsons hair... Catholic boarding school rebel in me... and its got a nice ring to it... Tom Jones belting it out in a song doesn't hurt its reputation either... sigh... for now I'll stick with my nickname.. Doll ... its served me well till now ... who knows I may rebel to a hippy camp when I get old and demand I be called Willow ... LOL x

Where oh where have I been???

December 22 Prompt: Travel. How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?

Firstly, this... is HOW i get around...

BOO!!! I didn't travel this year at all.. it's the first time in years, all this getting sensible and mortgages and extensions and stuff! my feet are itchin'!!! Since my hubby and I met we have travel somewhere exotic every year... Thailand, Mexico, Aruba, Tahiti, New Zealand.. sigh.. this year.. DUBLIN.. groan.. and right now.. SNOWY, freeeeeezing, locked-in-our-own-home Dublin ... groan...

Pic -

2011 - Well first stop NYC for St. Patricks day! .... then... its a two week Caribbean jaunt when the house is finished or else we'll kill each other! and, budget pending... (I am going to be 30+ VAT!.. ahem...) Sydney for new year!?!?! sigh... gotta love Doll's positive attitude! Now off to the the lottery ticket shop... woo hoo!

Back to the future...

December 21 Prompt: Future self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)

Dear Doll 2005/6,
Well well well.. how those 5 years have flown by and look at you now! You HAVE done it... you lost all the baggage... all the nightmares... all the saboteurs... and all that weight... You are healthy now.. in control of your health... what an amazing person you are! My one piece of you advice for you for 2011 is BELIEVE! in YOU! How funny, intelligent and capable you really are! Don't forget that! Don't let your confidence dwindle... remember at the end of 2010.. how you were just getting on your feet? Remember how your in-laws walked all over you... remember how you let them??? STAY strong... you're a better person than them... a good person... who is loved and gives love... Don't let food rule your emotions.... you know it doesn't work! it only makes you MORE miserable... never fall back into the trap of thinking you're not good enough... YOU ROCK! Now get out there and show the world YOU! They can't wait!

I love you... you should love you too!

Dear Doll 2001,
Well its 2011.. and you are about to embark on a magnificent journey... its been a struggle to get here... its been a tough road... you'll be surprised at how you have let people treat you.... and certain people have stood firmly in your way and tried to make you feel like you're not worthy of anything in this world... don't worry by the time you get here you will have dealt with them.. and for good.. and your man has stood beside you all the way... he adores you.. you will come to realise just how lucky you really are.. and to be the best wife you can be you're now taking control of your health... he's made it clear if he lost you his world would fall apart... don't let that happen! You're on a roll going through this new year and you're starting to see the Doll who had confidence, who laughed, who wasn't afraid come back... and I think right now you're secretly LOVIN' it! LOL .. Ride the waves through to get here.. and learn the lessons... be kind to mum and dad .. they're on your side...
Keep smiling... its all good!


December 20 Prompt Beyond avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn't because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)

Well this one is perfectly timed! Less than 48 hours ago I put a final stop to my monster-in-law!! GO me!!! A thorn in my side ... for the last 15 years I have done everything that has been expected of me, despite the nasty comments, digs, attitude and continually I've been slapped in the face (not literally although sometimes its felt like it!) .. I adore my husband and he adores me... we're made for each other... and he's my soul mate... but as far as his mother in concerned I waltzed into his life and stole him away from her... the fact that he's happy in life, stands for nothing.. we live only minutes from her and he's still at her beck and call if needed... he sees her all the time, something I've ensured... I'm not the princess/supermodel/millionaires daughter that she was expecting or maybe I missed the queue! The problem is I've been hurt deeply by her - more deeply than necessary by her personal attacks on me... I cannot change her thoughtlessness, her rudeness or her lack of respect for me.. I can only go through life on my path and not get distracted by her.... my kindness and diplomacy is wasted on her, it only leads to hostility... however last Saturday she crossed a line ... from which there is NO return... and I really thought that I would be sad and upset.. but I feel fantastic... relieved... lighter... its weird! I've spent years worrying about what she thought, did I do enough? did I get the right gift? a lot of unnecessary pressure I put on myself for what? ... when we are down, we worry too much, and we don't know what to do.. we don't know how to cope with certain situations, there's no chance to change anything... all this worry and stress led me to overeat... binge.. and use food to quiet my emotions... I know she's upset at what happened but it couldn't go on and its no going back for me! I'm shouting from the rooftops.. I'm not happy.. I want to world to hear me.. I'm not going to drown out how I feel with chocolate and cake! and I'm not the first woman on the planet who doesn't get on with her monster-in-law and I won't be the last!

making it all better....

December 19 Prompt: Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?

Maybe when it comes to healing I'm not the hippy hippy chick I think I am... I may be a child of the 70s but at the start of this year I didn't think I needed to be "healed", how wrong was I!?!?! Self acceptance has healed me and the belief that I can be the person I was before and an even better version of her. I, as much as anyone in the universe deserve my love and respect... as Oscar Wilde said... "to love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance" ....

Its all about me!

December 18 Prompt: Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn't go for it?

OOooooooh I like this one!!! I want to try LOADS! 2010, I sat on the fence... I was on the sidelines of life and finally realised that if i wanted to enjoy life then I had to have some belief in me... and take the leap of faith and, as Nike says, just DO IT! 2011 is going to be THAT year! The year I take care of me 100% and stop letting my weight hold me back! Life is to be lived!

Pack your bags...

December 17 Prompt: Lesson learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

The best thing I learned this year.. is that it's OK to say NO when you want to! The world doesn't stop turning... everyone's life carries along nicely ... and the person who asked, finds another way to solve THEIR problem and its all good! Nobody dies... I don't need to save EVERYONE in the world.. just me... if you say no, you're not judged... it's quite simple ... and gets easier and easier the more you do it! For 2011... I'm only saying YES when I really want to... REALLY want to!

Losing weight.. losing friends....

December 16 Prompt
Prompt: Friendship. How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?

This year I lost some friends, although I would use that term "friend" loosely... I've had friendships deteriorate... I've been very surprised by one... an outburst which really made me think - what did she really think of me all along??? ... I'm an easygoing person... laid back, go with the flow... I've learned that some people have used that to their advantage ... at my expense... since I've made the mental leap of changing... some think I'm changing for the worse.. I'm becoming self righteous in my new habits because I stick to my healthy options... some are angry because they miss their eating buddy... doesn't matter what they eat because my weight issues make her feel better about HER weight issues! ... one started the journey with me and fell off the wagon.. but didn't WANT me to pull her back on, instead begged me to jump with her! ... some just don't want to see me succeed because they don't want to face their own failures... changing your weight doesn't mean you're changing as a person.. your personality doesn't change... you're just becoming BETTER, a better version of yourself... more healthy, more energetic .. happier.. who wouldn't want that for their "friend"?

Has it changed me? Yes.. I'm putting me first in this weight loss game.. that was a tough lesson to learn... that's the only way i can do it... I'm nourishing the friendships that matter ... people who DO support me... people who will encourage... good friends...

Gimme 5!

December 15th - Prompt: 5 minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

• seeing Casey in her wedding dress
• eating her tiny wedding cakes
• getting our planning permission for our extension
• starting with my personal trainer
• seeing that white horse in the snow driving home
• house-hunting with Emma...
• mum and dad coming to our house.
• getting the out-laws to back off
• stepping outside my comfort zone
• hubby arriving home from work after 20 days in the USA
• breaking down and realising I'm better than i thought I was
• finding old school friends on social networks
• the smell of my best friends new baby
• counting his tiny toes
• making Ponchos for Emmas work party
• Emma winning the prize at her work party
• losing a friend who didn't deserve me - hurtful but necessary
• driving with the roof down late at night with loud music
• kissing my hubby last new years eve - DEAD romantic!

All talk and no....

Prompt: Action. When it comes to aspirations, its not about ideas. It's about making ideas happen. What's your next step?

Short story...
Shut my trap and get off my bum! Quit messing!
The end.

Long Story...
Really .. you want the long story... naaaahh!

Whats the next step...
The next step is to implement the plan! That great plan that's been set up to see me through to better health... At the moment I'm on the edge... on the edge of this great leap into a better future...and there's nothing bad that can happen... there is no down side to this.. its ALL good... so ...

1. Stick with the WW meetings...
2. Track my food EVERY day...
3. Get off my bottom and exercise EVERY day...
4. Stop waiting for someone to push me off the edge.. the plan is there.. DO IT!
5. SMILE!!!


Prompt: Body integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn't mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

No! I haven't had a moment where there wasn't mind and body just a cohesive ME! Gosh I don't think I HAVE felt integrated in a very long time .. I always feel like I'm looking at a completely different person when I look in the mirror.. the inside and outside just don't match... This prompt has made me sad....

11 things...

Prompt: 11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn't need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? 

Eleven things ... I ... don't... need... deep breathe...

I don't need (or WANT!) -

• to keep making excuses! Enough said!

• to listen to my in-laws anymore! I can pretend to listen but I don't need to absorb ANYTHING they say! They're TOXIC to both of us.

• friends who aren't real...

• Walkers Crisps - Prawn flavoured grab bags... oh dear god my mouth is watering just typing it!

• to forgive everyone all the time.. its time I held a few grudges!

• to worry so much.. the extension will be built, I will continue with my weigh loss.. the world will still turn!

• to be SO paranoid! People are FAR too busy with their own lives to be watching me 24/7, no more self doubt!

• to bend to the "baby pressure" .. if it happens it happens.. if it doesn't .. it doesn't... time to focus on my health and whatever happens.. happens.. enough with the drama...

• to bin ALL the clothes that DON'T fit.. big and small!!! I'm a nightmare! IF i actually made some space for the clothes I wear everyday, I might actually leave the house content!

• to put things "UP SAFE" .. when we move back into the house .. I need a PROPER filling system.. I can't find a single thing I put up safe! sigh..

• my husbands smoking habit... watch me turn bad cop with this one!

How to eliminate them... do my best.. be happy and stay on track!

Doll, the wise one....

December 10 - Prompt: Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

Wise... am I wise? I always thought that wisdom came with age.. but with me.. I'm thinkin' I was always an old head on young shoulders, someone more sensible with a twist of logic than WISE.. wisdom always seems very powerful to me, almost judgemental power... and I suppose the most sensible/powerful thing I did this year was to weed out the saboteurs from my life... there's still a couple of more to deal with but the main culprits are done and dusted...

Was it hard to do.? HELL yes... to face people and tell them that they were no good for me... when for the last few years they were just fine thank-you-very-much... it was very hard... but you see they didn't really have my best intentions at heart... it's all fun and games when Doll is there to pick up the pieces, share the cake, go for a walk but still have some ice-cream... but once I had made up my mind that it was time to change.. some people didn't like it much, in fact they went out of their way to be an obstacle in my weight loss path... once I had lost a little weight and they realised I meant it this time... they turned against me.... and it hurt... I suppose my eyes were opened to the fact that they were just being very very selfish, and as long as I fit into their plan, was at their beck and call and I was of use to them, then all was well... but if I decided to get a voice... do something without consulting them first or even knowing about it... all of a sudden I was left out of the loop... Am I better off? Yes. Do I miss them? Very much. Do they understand why I did what I had to do? Maybe not yet but my happiness has to come first not theirs, and my successes are as important, if not more so than theirs, and if they were happy to watch their friend slowly damage her health before their very eyes, then they would have wanted to jump on the wagon, tie me down and make sure that there was no way I would fall off, because that's what I would have done for them. I'm hoping that in time they will see what I did I did for me and they will be happy for me. Does it make me wise? Maybe on the learning curve of life ... yes!

Rock your socks...

December 9 – Party
Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.

There have been a few events this year, couple of weddings, lots of birthdays and summer gigs.. but one of the bestest nights was Hogmany in Edinburgh.. I know I know.. I'm Irish but it's only a small skip over yonder and we had the BEST time.. I can safely say that the Scots are as good as us at the drinking and craic... and it really brought the new year in officially! We traveled away for new year which we don't normally do... so it had an air of "holiday" about it... it kind of made it official.. and I loved it... the bands on the street.. the festival feel... the ferris wheel ... the countdown... the cold... the strangers kissing at midnight... everyone for those few seconds just forgetting all the shite in the world and the glimmer of hope that the new year will be better than ever before... that the year ahead will be good for us ... and how we feel in that moment is how we will feel all year... singing Auld Lang Syne at the top of your lungs and holding hands with people who all share in that little moment of hope... hot whiskeys ... talking through the night to new found friends... it just rocked... my sparkly little socks off!

December 8 – Beautifully Different.
Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.

oh Noooooo! It was bound to come along at some stage I suppose... but so soon?!? the... self... esteem .. blog... sigh... see I struggle with how my husband even puts up with looking at me .. so for me to see anything "beautiful", makes me cringe to even type it out! This is going to be a tough one! ...

some time later ...

so.. I'm different because... sigh... well most people tell me I'm very funny ... and I make them smile... but I think that I use my humour to deflect from my size... you know .. the jolly fat one in the group... but I do see things from the "glass half full" side of life... I've learned early on in life that its very short and people are taken away from us in the blink of an eye... so I try to see the funny side of everything ... I suppose in private it's a bit different ... I'm way too hard on myself and I've only just learned that in the last year... I do like making people smile... I like cheering people up... I like being the one to handout the tissues and vodka at the same time and turn a break-up into a war rally! LOL ... (on a side note here.. I've been hung over MORE times from my friends breaking ups and make ups and if I'm ever in AA I'm holding them responsible!)

My spirit is beautifully different in a way that makes me fit in but I strive everyday to make my body FIT-IN to the norm (whatever that is!?!?!).. I spend too much time trying to fit in .. and not enough time showing off who I really am! A gal who is beautifully different... sigh...

How do I light people up??? I'm married to an electrician!

now... thank god thats over!!!

Sticks in a bundle are unbreakable...

December 7 Prompt

Author: Cali Harris @caligater
Prompt: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

Well it has to be the weight loss communities that have consumed 2010. My weight watchers class has been one of the BEST places for me this year. Even though I haven't lost tonnes of weight, without the guidance, support, laughter and tears, I would definitely weigh a lot more than I do now! Sitting in a room with people of all sizes, accepting of who you are and feeling the same about their bodies is a very comforting place. Some have a few pounds to lose, some have 100's to lose but we all share the same goal, the common destination... The online weight loss community has been to quote my friends from that side of the pond... AWESOME... To be sitting at your desk feeling unsure about your journey and for a message to pop in from someone you've never even met, someone who is willing you to the end, someone who is proud of what you have already achieved is wonderful. Henry Ford once said

Coming together is a beginning.
Keeping together is progress.
Working together is success.

When you need support to get to your goal, when you struggle alone and the goal seems too far away.. its the people you surround yourself with who get you there... Both the online weight loss community and the gals at WW are amazing... In 2011 I'd like to push myself back into the social scene with my friends. I've let my weight dictate whether I can go to a concert or movie or, damn it, even for lunch. I've allowed my insecurities and paranoia control my life and I'm fed up with it. I'm fed up! I want my old life back. That's that!

She's got it made..

December 6 Prompt

Author: Gretchen Rubin
The Happiness Project @gretchenrubin
Prompt: Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

Well I'd love to say a Gin and Tonic but I don't think that counts.. but being the arty-farty type that I am .. my last creation was one of my Pudding hats for a pressie for Xmas. I totally LOVE making these.. and people LOVE getting them.. All year long I make crochet hats and store them in a suitcase, then come early December I take them all out and get creative.. beads, flowers, glitter... fun times.. Cozy creations on Facebook for anyone wants a peep!

You're FIRED!

December 5
Prompt: Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?
Author: Alice Bradley

Oooooohhh This one I LOVE!!!! I "let go" of the saboteurs! Yep 2010 was the year of the "Severed Friend", (all terms in "" to be used loosely!) There are people in this world who don't want to support me, people who I've known for a long time, who have cried on my shoulder over the break up of a relationship, people I've helped move into their new homes, people who, when they have called, I have dropped what I've been doing and run, yes "RUN", to them, and when I started show the slight interest in changing my health, my looks, my attitude, they become traitors! Its like I've lost friends and gained a demolition team! And they're very dangerous! The "friends" and lets use that term loosely.. who wanted to support me and come walking with me but then stop on the way home for food and lattes and ice-cream! Yes.. thats REALLY helping! I've done the sabotage thing to myself for years... I'm DONE with it. Realising that people who you thought were on your side and they're not isn't a happy feeling. Washing your hands of them is REALLY hard. When you see that green eyed monster appear when you've lost a bit more weight than they have, or you get a compliment before they do, suddenly they're buying you lunch somewhere you can't resist temptation and when you DO succumb but restrain yourself, 'you're boring' and 'not as much fun as you used to be' because you chose a salad! Who knew that the menu of life determined how much fun you are by the dessert you pick! They know the programme.. they watch you struggle to buy clothes and feel like you fit into the world. The distancing of myself from them hasn't gone down too well... my excuses are wearing thin.. but some of them have received the message loud and clear. I'm doing this. If you don't like it, don't tag along for the ride but don't begrudge me my health and my chance to make my life better. I've also sent clear messages to the ones who I can't get the A-team onto.. drum roll please... The out-laws! Message was received and understood.. DO NOT MESS WITH HER ANYMORE! She's not joking. Husband standing up on my side of the fence was quite a break through too! These "people" .. sigh.. it's not so much letting go but firing them from your life and I'm well rid!

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