Fail Small...

OK... I'm always banging on about there's no such thing as failing... and there's not... but our mindset sometimes just doesn't play ball does it... but doesn't this quote make a lot of sense? OK put it this way... you've had a nightmare of a morning... you've hoovered in some toast, lashed a load of butter and jam on it, couldn't find your Canderel so you had real sugar, full fat milk in the office and it's someones birthday so you ploughed into a muffin or three as well as the scone you got in the garage with the full fat latte cause you just want to go back to bed... and come lunchtime you're riddled with guilt and feeling rubbish... 

'Feck it sure I'm going to have a lovely big pub lunch now because I've no control or will power and if I'm going to go off the rails I'm gonna do it in style!' 

Where does that lead us? More guilt and back tracking more than we needed to in the first place... Instead maybe think... OK this morning is a write off, we will always have these mornings, BUT this afternoon won't be! I'll plan my dinner and snacks for the rest of the day and set a reminder for myself to make time to set my breakkie up tonight so I'm not all over the place tomorrow morning... 

If you're going to use the word 'FAIL' then fail small... and get yourself back on track... 

you deserve it!

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The hardest lift...

I know it's all 'New Year New Me!' this time of year but it's no easier in January to get off the couch  than it is in the middle of the summer even if you do buy fancy new trainers!!! I'm the first to close the front door when there's a sniff of rain in case I dissolve but honestly 5 mins out the door and back makes all the difference... You don't need to be training for a marathon or the olympics, there's no race on... just get some fresh cold winter air in your lungs and have the chats with a pal, listen to a podcast whatever your thing is but get out there... make yourself a little promise today... pop on your runners, open the door and walk for 5 mins, even if you have to leave in a huff with the dog just storm out... for no other reason than to see what the neighbours are up to!! (Mine have a new car! Fancy much?!) then walk back and you're done! Try it every day you won't regret it! 

x

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Your future is in good hands...

Being sick for the last two weeks had really shown me just how much we have to look after ourselves, properly! The first week of not resting up and doing what I was told only led me to get worse, much worse and I was kicking myself for not listening to my doctor... I suffer from bronchitis nearly every year now and I'm used to inhalers and the annual 2 weeks of no sleep so I should have known better... Yes, I've cabin fever, I got a bit lonely but I'm responsible for my health... me! I'm responsible for my weight loss and feeling happy in my own skin can only happen if I look after myself properly... so this week some self care, a healthy food shop and a lot of fresh air now my lungs are improving... if you see me strolling around Marley gimme a wave! I am going to class this week, not because I want to know what I weigh but because I need to be accountable and if I give myself permission to miss one class, I will most definitely let it slide and give myself many classes off! I need the companionship... nothing like being in a room full of people who understand where you're at, I need the accountability and I get so much out of my class so I stay religiously and if I can't get to mine I always try to make another one! So slowly back on track, final check up on Wednesday with the doctor... cross all fingers and toes please... x

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You be you!

It's something that I keep talking to people about... We don't all fit into the same mould... Every single one of us is unique You are you... Your journey is yours... There are lots of people counting points/syns/macros/calories and succeeding because they are doing what's right for them... if there was a holy grail plan that worked for everyone on the planet we'd all be doing it... but we're all different, so don't get down if a plan isn't working for you... try something new, don't feel bad for doing what's best for you... it's your life... your health... you deserve to feel happy in your own skin and to whatever it takes to make you happy... If we all loved the same thing, the world would be very dull! 

Here's to a good week! 

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Just start...

So you've had a bad weekend... you fell into the chipper and you accidentally remembered that Dominos is on your speed dial! The key to being happy in your own skin is not giving up on you... Start right now... plan a healthy lunch, go for a walk at lunchtime, write a shopping list for the journey home, plan your meals for the week... just start... start to care about you... start to be happier... you won't regret it x

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You write YOUR story...

Anyone got a saboteur in their life? Anyone got someone in their ear telling you 'You're FINE the way you are!' 'you don't need to lose weight...' 'You've always been the fun jolly one...' 'You'll just be miserable all the time with your diet food' ? Anyone?

When you decided to take the step to feel better about yourself, to take control of your health, you did it for a reason... Maybe it started out as 'getting into a dress for a wedding...' but when you feel better about you, and you feel in control no one has the right to push you off your pedestal and make you feel like you don't deserve more...

No matter when plan you're doing... Slimming world, Weight Watchers, Counting Calories, just making better choices and going for a walk every day... you're doing it for you... don't let anyone derail you... this is your journey... your life and you're in charge!

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You're not a mess!

You're trying on the holiday shorts and no... You're not happy... I know the #BOPO police will tell you you should be happy no matter what but you're not... You hate that you're not at goal, you hate that you're not fitting into your clothes comfortably and you feel like it's a never ending struggle to just feel normal... You just want to throw on a pretty sundress and feel good about yourself... but here's the thing... you're still trying and you're still making more better choices than you ever did before... we all derail... we all jump spectacularly off the wagon... but even one good choice today is better than nothing... one glass of water more than yesterday, one piece of fruit, one 10 min walk is a step in the right direction... but don't throw in the beach towel and think there's no point to any of it... you trying to be a healthier version of you is important...

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You do you boo!

I'm all for body positivity... I am... but when you don't like yourself very much, when you've never liked yourself at all and someone tells you you should just 'love your body', it's not as easy as it sounds... I have spent years hating myself, every single inch of me... and you can't just stop and reprogram your brain over night to be all rainbows and moon beams. 'Embrace my curves', sure but when your super morbidly obese it's not just curves, it's a body that's a ticking time bomb from years of abuse and loathing... It's an early funeral and a vicious circle of bingeing and purging every feeling you have about yourself. It's anxiety about what will happen if you do die from this... your family.. your friends... It's worry that you have every single thing in order, just in case. These thoughts have been with me for years. It makes me sad that I think that way and I've spent hours in counselling, therapy talking about leaving everything in order, because of my weight... It's sad but I know I'm not alone! 

Yes, I understand the world is full of industries who profit from our self doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act these days... make up, hairdressers, clothing sizes, the diet industry all make a buck off our insecurities. We SHOULD be able to go out not wearing make up, not caring what the label says on our top, we SHOULD be able to, but we're of a generation who are, hopefully, the last to feel this way... but seriously, how good do you feel when you get your hair done? How much better do you feel when you lash on some lippy? Isn't it all about loving ourselves a little more and realising that some of us might take a little bit longer to get there than others even if we gotta pay for it? I work hard enough to be able to buy some glitter and throw it about the place if it makes me feel good... 

There are so many righteous people out there who think I'm a bad person because I do WW... Honestly the internet is a disturbed place.... (if you have time to troll others online and berate other people because of how they look, or because they follow a weight loss plan, step away from the keyboard and go do something useful... go check the battery in the smoke alarm!) Rather than hate on those of us who just want to feel better about ourselves... those of us who follow points, count calories or syns or macros or eat cabbage all day... maybe try to shower those of us struggling with a little bit of positivity no matter what plan/diet/lifestyle we choose to follow rather than judge us for trying something that makes us feel a bit better about ourselves... Give us tips on how to love our bodies more, show us the way oh great body positivity people, I'd love nothing more than to learn some tips and tricks about self love and i follow SO many accounts to try to do just that...  but just remember it's our choice. Yelling at us that we've no morals, we're feeding into a society of self loathing, making us feel like we're just bad people for wanting to feel better about ourselves... it doesn't make you a hero of body positivity, it makes you one of the bad guys for making people who already feel crap about themselves feel even worse! We're not stupid, and we're not children, we just need support and help, not berating and shitty attitudes thrown at us... 

Yes, I'm following a plan put together by a company who profits from it, it's my money, it's my time and it's my choice. I don't preach that it's the best plan on the planet but it works for me after 25 years and eight crowns (yes 8 crowns, very expensive ones!) I know more about eating disorders than I ever really wanted to... Would I want anyone else to HAVE to follow the path I did,? Hell no... I hope my friends have taught their children they're gorgeous no matter what.. because they are! That food is just fuel and that's all not an emotional crutch... I've told leaders that allowing children into meetings really isn't a great idea, I know this having attended WW meetings as a child, I know some mums can't get childcare but I hope they are teaching their kids that 'it's just a club for mum to meet other people and stay healthy' not a place where you're told 'you can't have nice food' or 'you're not good enough' because my class really isn't a place like that... People struggle, people need to hear they're not alone... Following WW has reduced my medication, made me a little bit more confident and so far it's the only thing that has worked for me... I've tried it all, every pill, every plan but this and the friends I've made doing this plan have worked for me so far and I don't care if my money makes someone rich right now because honestly my tenner every week is well worth the positivity and motivation I get for it... I'm one of the ones shaking my pom poms at ANYONE who feels a bit better this week than they did last week, regardless of if they walk 3 miles a day or go to the gym at 3AM! If they feel better I'm gonna cheer em on! 

Yes, I might like myself a bit more that I did when I started this journey, I was a hermit dressed head to toe in black and hated every single thing about my life... but one day I hope I will look in the mirror and like what's looking back at me... but it's a massive step and fair play to those of you who can love what's looking back at you already but understand so many others find it SO hard, nearly impossible, like I do... This week I'm going to shake those pom poms at every person who I meet and make em feel good... life's too short! 

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How long will it take?

Go on... admit it... when you stand in front of the mirror you just whinge about EVERYTHING... I do... my belly is too big, my arms are flabby, my hair is shite today, I hate my legs, my boobs are rubbish... The list goes on and on... 

Imagine if your best friend was standing beside you... would she say those things about you? Would she criticise you? Would you let her say those things about her body? 

Well there's your answer... 

When you're passing a mirror today, don't look away in disgust like me, say one nice thing about you!   It's amazing how just one small comment can make you feel better about yourself... 

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What does healthy look like?

Below is an image that I always like to share when people tell me they thought they'd be a size 'X' or 'Y' when they lost weight... Healthy isn't a number... it's a feeling... I know I'll get some slack for that but I'm not a believer in the BMI scale... We are all different and we all feel different in our skin so it's a very personal thing to feel healthy... Sure, coming off medications is amazing and not feeling aches pains is a huge NSV... but you feeling happy in your skin is a huge step to being healthy, both physically and mentally... 

All of the women in this picture weigh the exact same... 150lbs yet their dress size (which honestly is a myth and mystery for all of the brands) ranges from a 10 - 18 ... but the number on the scales for each of them is the exact same... but all these women are healthy! So, when you're in despair at the scales and it's not moving... take the scales out of the equation and look at the other ways to measure your health... Can you go upstairs now without stopping? can you play with your kids and not get breathless? Is your skin clearer? Are you sleeping better? This week measure how your feeling about you and your journey... Remember the scales is an inanimate mechanical object that shouldn't make you feel like your failing at becoming a better happier version of you x 

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The Comeback!

You know when life throws a curve ball at you and all your good intentions go out the window? How many of us just throw the towel in and think 'that's it, I'm never going to be happy in my body! I'm never going to feel comfortable being me... what's the point?!' So we let the voices in our head win... we don't trust ourselves enough to believe we really can do it! Because we can, we really can! We just need to work out what we REALLY need to do it... Like minded friends? A meeting where everyone feels the same but can give you tips about getting stronger... Do you need an online buddy to check in with? My thinking has always been, if I was able to do this on my own I would have done it by now but I can't! If I was able to stop binging and purging on my own I wouldn't have needed counsellors or mentors or a sponsor for all those years, I still need them... I need support, I need motivation, I need accountability. However you get these things, at a meeting, a club, a gym, in a FaceBook group if they make you happy you're half way there! 

We CAN feel better about ourselves, we CAN feel positive and happy... it's not about numbers on scales... it's not about a label on a dress... it's about how you feel about you and that's hard work! We don't give ourselves time to be a priority, there's too much going on with family, friends, work, life and we always seem to put ourselves on the bottom of the list... I get so fed up with myself but I don't quit. Although I've been off the radar for a while because of 'life' I know what it feels like to be happier than I am now, so I've got to get my mindset back into gear and get back there... 

C'mon people lets make the comeback stronger than ever... *puts on 'Eye of the Tiger' LOUDLY* 

x

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So, this one time, on FaceBook...

Let me just start this post by saying I am in loads of groups on Facebook (probably too many!)... Big groups with thousands of members, smaller groups with only 30 members, I'm in Slimming World groups, Weight Watchers groups, keep fit groups, cake baking groups (I see the irony here but if you follow me on twitter you'll know my love for GBBO!) .. and I love them all... I don't engage with any drama, it's usually pretty pointless, but the motivation and tips you pick up in there is gold! 

We're nearly a month into 2018 and this is the time of the year when the doubt sets in... when the 'it's not working for me...' posts appear... and I get it, I totally do... new plans are hard and some people just don't like change... if it was a one plan fit all we'd all be fit as fiddles! I can't do No Count, I really think most of it is in my head but it was the same with Slimming World... just not for me... If I had my way ProPoints would be the plan for life for everyone! It was a fantastic plan but you gotta roll with the times and I totally understand how bad sugar is in our diets and SmartPoints really opens your eyes to just how much sugar there is hidden in products on the shelf...

However, last week (when I was having a bit of a downer, I went into some of the groups to try to get revved up again...) and I found a post by a member and it just made me both sad and mad! Now I'm not about naming or shaming but the post went something like this... 

I'm a week in. I weigh in tomorrow. I'm a little nervous. 

If I didn't lose weight I'll be so disappointed. 

I feel great! I have more energy, my brain fog has lifted 

and my stomach feels better 

but I'll be gutted if I didn't lose anything... 

Now, I have no idea how much weight this member has to lose, I don't know when she started her journey, it was her first week on Flex but the pressure she put on herself for a number on a scales just made me angry and sad in equal measures... she feels great, she has more energy, the brain fog has lifted (I'd kill for that right now!) and all this in a week... I'm jealous! 100% jealous! Don't get me wrong this number is important to some people but the one bad thing which hadn't even happened yet, outweighed all the good stuff! But it made me realise just how much pressure we put on the number on the scales... yes, it's lovely to see that number coming down... but the weeks I really focus on water, my skin is so good... and I might be weeing like a race horse (TMI I know but ya get it all in here!) but I do feel so much better... in the summer when I practically live on salads, I really notice how less bloated I am... all of these are reminders off how our body is feeling and isn't that the main thing, we feel better in our own skin? So, if the number isn't what you wanted to see, think about how you're feeling... we all lose weight at a different rate, we're all unique... Don't worry about the people losing 5lbs a week... it's great for them, but they're not you! This week, maybe focus on the other stuff, how is your skin? Have you got more energy? Has the brain fog lifted? Are you walking a bit faster? Did you make it up the stairs without the paramedics? Because it's all of these things that make up your journey, not just the number on the scales... x

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Who's the boss?

You know when then crisps are calling (screaming) your name from the kitchen cupboard... in moments of weakness we forget we do have the power to say no, but the struggle is real... My old leader used to say, when an ad comes on the telly for chocolate suddenly we have the urge to find a chocolate bar and we all know where there's one in the house somewhere! But if an ad comes on for washing powder, does anyone get the urge to jump up from the TV and pop on a load or hit the ironing board? Nope... the pleasure food gives us, the short satisfaction we get from a cookie, and it is only temporary, is something I personally need to keep an eye on... food is fuel... food is for celebrations and nourishment... It really doesn't help when you're sad, I mean the post-Christmas bloat is testament to that! So deep breathe and ask yourself if you're really in control... 

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Little steps...

So, we're all settled in, and the 'new year, new me' brigade is in full swing... 

The thing about starting something new,  is we all want instant results... We've been 'good' for 7 days in a row and the expectations are high... 

"What do you mean I'm not down 7lbs this week?!? 

I stuck to the plan?! I drank ALL the water... 

I walked EVERYWHERE!

This clearly isn't working..."

Sound familiar... we're so disappointed in our bodies and we shouldn't be... and yes, sometimes the first week you get an amazing weight loss, we've shocked our bodies into the fact the roses tin is long gone and there's no more gin in the house! But on week 2, what happens if we ONLY lose half a pound?! We're devastated! This is where the doubt starts to kick in, this is where we say 'I'll give it another week but then...' and the plan starts to unravel... 

You did not gain weight over night... I did not gain over 10 stone over night... so I can't expect it to come off that fast either... one thing I have learned on this journey so far, is every half pound is a victory, every STS is a win... we're far too hard on ourselves and our bodies when they don't do what we think they should... and the mind games we play with ourselves because of this is just as bad... 

Take baby steps... every little step in the right direction is a step closer to being happier in your own skin... 

You can do it... you can... just believe in yourself and listen to your body... 

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New Year, New... ???

We're bombarded this time of year... EVERY year... and it's a long time since I made a resolution... because when I fail at them, and I always do because they're so unrealistic, they just made me feel like a failure, I'm useless and I give up and that's the total opposite of what I need! When I don't achieve the impossible tasks I set myself every January I just think I can't do it and I can!


So this New Year, I'm taking time to breathe, stress less and take time to think life thorough... I tend to rush decisions though to make everyone else happy and am then left miserable...

New Year, new foods to taste...
New Year, new places to see...
New Year, new friends to make...
New Year, new goals to set that are achievable and make me happy...
New Year, SAME me...
New Year, same old me, working just as hard being a better version of who I am...
New Year, same positive outlook, I can and I will...
New Year, same cheerleader for you... weight loss is hard, we don't need a bunch of new rules because a date in the calendar! I've always had one goal, to be healthy and happy... I'm getting there, no resolution has ever helped!

There's no new me, there's just me and I'm doing OK... I go through the bumps on the journey, I struggle some times but I'm honest with me, and I give myself a break when I'm being hurtful to me (and I can be a real bitch to the reflection in the mirror sometimes!)... but I 'm not quitting and that's better than any resolution...

You can't be the best version of you if you don't give yourself some time, I know we all struggle with not having enough hours in the day but it's not selfish to be the best you can be for you and everyone you love... If you must make a resolution... Make one... BE HAPPY!

So New Year, same fabulous you, setting goals you love and you know you can achieve, don't make sweeping statements that will just make you feel bad... You won't lose four stone in January so don't shout it from the rooftops... Aim for 1 or 2 lbs a week and any more is a bonus on the trip! Work on the bits you know you struggle with... I sabotage myself, so I've got to focus on keeping on the wagon and portion control... Just think how you would feel by summer if you were a stone lighter? Very achievable... If you plan to lose 4 stone in January and fail, you've lost a month by not being realistic and have stalled at the start line... so pace yourself, breathe and ask for support when you hit a wall, we've all been there...

Now here's to a New Year, Fabulous you!

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You...

You were... we all were... but sometimes we're afraid...

We're afraid of what others will think, we're fearful of having 'notions', ' ideas above our station' we wait for the 'who does she think she is?!?!' brigade to chime in... but you know what, why not shine? Who are you hurting by being you? And why not be the best version of ourselves we can be? If people don't like it they can just look away... they can walk off into the sunset and just let the sparklers amongst us shine! So what if you're not at goal, you'll get there...  it's your journey and if someone can't support you then teach them to scroll on by and you be the bestest version of you this week!

So, stand up straight, shoulders back, slap on your fav lippy and give two fingers to anyone who doesn't like it today! You're all feckin' gorgeous!

Now lets get out there & sparkle! 

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Do you even like yourself?

Isn't social media just so full on... it's scary that people particularly young people (I'm VERY VERY OLD!) rely on likes on a filtered picture to feel happy in their own skin... and it makes me so sad...

Liking yourself can be so hard, it's a skill that we have to learn in life sadly because it's a feeling that's knocked out of us when we're little, for many reasons... Look at the confidence of a 4 year old, do they like their belly, of course! Their hair, Yup! In fact the only thing on their agenda is learning, playing and having fun! Bullies in school, looking 'different', being good at something, remember how being good at something just made you a target as a swot or teacher pet... all the way through to work life, offices where colleagues are only having a 'laugh' but at your expense, bosses who think they can push you around because they misinterpret kindness and wanting to move forward as 'easy & gullible' to the point you're the office skivvy... I've got all these t-shirts sadly and I can genuinely say I still don't like me very much... Of course there are days when I feel happy about my journey but I still can't see the reflection I want looking back at me, there are darker days when I feel ugly and can't understand why anyone would bother following a failure, a fraud like me... This is how most people think... So how do we get out of that rut? Honestly I'm still working it out... Cutting loose the deadwood who don't care about you is one I can highly recommend... It's very lonely to start with but suddenly you find yourself surrounded by people who really do like you for you, not how many chins you moan about, or the jelly belly... they love you and love being around you because you're you! But it really starts from within... and just look at how amazing we really are! How many people on the planet would love to be able to walk, talk, work and do all the things we take for granted but they can't...  

Stop wondering if people are judging you... if they are it's their problem... I was once sitting in a restaurant with some friends and a woman kept staring over at me... I was SO paranoid! In MY head that woman was judging me for eating my lunch, for having chips, for drinking cocktails... I mean look at the size of me, I should be at home with my mouth stapled... As she got up from her table she walked towards me and I was fully prepared to have a go at her when she asked 'where did you get your coat? It's just gorgeous and I can never find nice jackets in my size?' Floored me! I was about to smack her one if I needed to! People aren't judging you, they've got enough on their mind! We're judging ourselves too harshly... so today, look in the mirror and be kind... that body is the only one you've got and it's pretty awesome! 

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Never give up...

The minute you think of giving up... 

think of the reason why you held on for so long... 

You're worth the effort... 

Christmas is just one day... 

No one wants to start all over again... 

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It’s a good week...

Every week is a good week but then that Friday night feeling comes and *poof* it's Monday and the tracker has a 48 hour gap in it that can only be explained by looking at the camera on your phone! 

Every day is a good day, and just because we lost the plot this weekend doesn't mean we should just write it all off till Santa buggers off in his sleigh... the third week in February/April/June won't be on your mind when you're dipping into another mince pie with a dollop of cream but it kinda should be... It's only Christmas. I know some people love it so much that it hurts but it's just one day and you can get SO swept up in the moment that it becomes one week, one month and before you know it, you're trying to lose the weight you've already lost! AGAIN! 

So this week, make a promise to yourself to have a good breakfast enplane every day, promise yourself you'll do a walk at the weekend no matter how cold it is, and remember next summer when you're trying to get into those shorts you bought this year, will the mince pies have won?  

 Go on, stop reading and get that tracker out! 

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We’re all being judged...

You know THAT look... when someone stares at you and they are judging you from head to toe... and we've probably all given that look to other people too even if we didn't mean to... THAT look... that 'I wonder if they have a mirror in their house?' look ... 'I wonder how she got so fat?' ... 'Imagine waking up like her...' It's something I am so conscious of doing... I've been judged all my life and I'm the worst critic of them all, I'm so hard on myself but some days when I think about it, the people with the judgmental stares aren't really in any position to judge me! They're strangers, people I don't interact with and I certainly wouldn't want to be friends with them... Do they look like Brad Pitt / Kate Moss? Are they the perfect weight/height? Wearing the perfect clothes? I mean if their life is so perfect why are they queueing to get on a tram?! Where's the limo?!

Sometimes I wonder if people realise how hurtful it really is? If they really understand that their behaviour can ruin someones day, that someone like me would feel self conscious all day because of  THAT one look... I often look at people with envy, I'd love to be brave enough to wear that top/those earrings/my hair that way... but that boils down to confidence and that's something I'm still working really hard on... It's even worse when it comes from someone close to you and you KNOW they don't have their perfect life together, in fact you're in a better position than they are, yet they feel the need to judge you! 

Next time someone makes a comment on your body, your clothes, or they look at you like you're some sort of freak who is out of control... Just look back and wonder if they've really got it all worked out... Is it done just to make them feel better about themselves? That says more about their character than their dress size and do you really want to let someone like that ruin your day?

The people who make you feel bad about you, 

haven't got their shit together either just remember that!

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