I'm not sure if they're called blogaversaries or if there is some other name that I haven't heard of yet but The Skinny Doll is 8! Yup, I've been blogging 8 years now... it's been frustrating, joyous, infuriating, wonderful and not to be too dramatic, it's probably saved my life...
8 Years ago I was pretty broken, I still have no self esteem (I still apologise when people meet me for the 'rabbit-in-the-headlights-look') but I was very unhappy and the future looked pretty bleak... I had been on YouTube doing videos for a while and an American girl called Hazel told me I should document my journey and share it with others and that's how it started... I knew I couldn't be the only person feeling like I did about my weight... I am bulimic and I suffer with PCOS as well as some other health issues so my journey was never going to be a straight road to goal and I knew that. I have struggled with food since I was a child and the mental process I have had to work through has been tiresome... but I was determined to never quit on myself... I had to stop being a people pleaser, something I still struggle with today and remember I am worthy of being happy too... It's very easy to put on a smile and a brave face for the world, many people do that everyday so I've tried to keep it honest... I've documented the melt downs, the fury, the disappointment with myself, the losses and the gains and how I've changed over the years...
Blogging has never been about numbers to me, people follow and unfollow all the time and it doesn't bother me... Anyone who knows me in real life will tell you the idea of buying a single follow is just a waste of money (it takes a lot to part me from my cash folks!) ... Trolls are real and whilst it's hurtful to hear the rubbish they spew, I've learned if you give them air, they continue to breathe. We all have a block button to get rid of them... Awards are wonderful and it's nice to be acknowledged for your hard work but they're not the be all and end all... I've never promoted the blog, my thinking was if you need it you'll find it and that's how it's grown... Recently I have been losing the same pounds over and over again ... So I'm taking this 'birthday' as a line in the sand... I want to lose my weight, I don't want to be skinny, I want to be happy and healthy and I'm more determined now to get there...
The 'saving my life' bit... well if I hadn't started this blog, I wouldn't have met so many inspiriting people both in real life and online, people who laugh along with bake off, and cry at the 24hrs in A&E... People who motivate me, encourage me and understand that being body positive isn't just looking in the mirror and saying 'god I'm great' when you aren't happy in your own skin and you can't bare to look at the reflection... If I hadn't started it, I honestly don't think I'd be here and whilst that saddens me, it makes me realise who far I've come in the journey even though I'm not at goal... It's grown from a depressed woman crying out for support into a community who support and understand each other, share tips and advice and for that I'm very very grateful... so thank you xxx