Last night in Tescos...

This video popped up on my TL yesterday in a group I'm in over on Facebook... and I wasn't sure whether to share it or not, I think most of my friends on here already know this... but there's a line in this video where one of the girls says... 

'that's like imagine how much of a nice person 

you would be if you weren't such a massive prick...' 

and it rang true last night after weigh in... firstly I was up.. I'm OK with it, I'm still sick, I'm really down in the dumps and I just want Xmas to be over... But after weigh in, I went to Tesco to get some milk and at the express checkout a man (lets use that term loosely) called me a 'fat cunt' ... 

I just exploded... all those years in the print industry have stood to my unlimited knowledge of swearing and I let him have it... I asked him to repeat what he said but he hung his head... I wanted him to say it again out loud so everyone could hear, so it wasn't just for my benefit and to see if it actually was funny at all... I asked him 'can I not buy a pint of milk like everyone else in the store?' No answer... nothing... nada... and I kicked off! I have let people away with commenting on my body too often... It's not breaking news to me that I'm fat... it's not like I could thank him for closing the door on a very curious chapter in my life... IS THAT WHAT THAT IS?!?! Thank you so much random stranger... Lads I'm fat... well at least now we know!

There's no secret that I hate this time of year, it's very hard for me for lots of reasons and I know this time next week I'll be feeling heaps better looking forward to NYE (yes I'm one of THOSE people but I let you lot rant on about Xmas from August so give me my day OK?!) I had a really shite day yesterday, I was up at weigh in and I just wanted to get milk, go home and watch The Zoo and feel a bit better that another day was over... However I sat in the car for 40mins trying to compose myself to drive home... I'm not looking for sympathy or anything but it's tough for so many people this time of year and not everyone can be rainbows and moonbeams all the time... The Xmas spirit was clearly lost on this bastard and it helped no one, no one came out of that last night feeling better about life and that's the kind of person I am, life is too short to make someone unhappy... I didn't even see anyone else in Tesco, the mission was get milk and go home, I just stood in the queue and waited my turn, not commenting on other people! 

I'm pretty sure he won't do it again, and he'll go home and tell his mates 'some fat bitch lost the plot in Tescos' and they'll laugh about it but if it stops him commenting on someone else weight, height, hair colour, boobs then I'm OK with that... and lads if he looked like Rob Kearney I might not have sworn at him for so long...

Sorry for the rant but you all meet these people in life and life is hard enough and it's not OK to make someone who is already miserable even more so! People who bitch about fat people have nothing else better to do with their time... they're toxic...

So today I'm taking a self care day... I'm telling fibs to clients (no real change there to be honest) the bare minimum is being done today, I'm not answering the door (sorry postie!) and I'm just gonna breathe, listen to my fav music and do a face mask tonight... In fact it's probably better if I don't answer the door! 

You...

You were... we all were... but sometimes we're afraid...

We're afraid of what others will think, we're fearful of having 'notions', ' ideas above our station' we wait for the 'who does she think she is?!?!' brigade to chime in... but you know what, why not shine? Who are you hurting by being you? And why not be the best version of ourselves we can be? If people don't like it they can just look away... they can walk off into the sunset and just let the sparklers amongst us shine! So what if you're not at goal, you'll get there...  it's your journey and if someone can't support you then teach them to scroll on by and you be the bestest version of you this week!

So, stand up straight, shoulders back, slap on your fav lippy and give two fingers to anyone who doesn't like it today! You're all feckin' gorgeous!

Now lets get out there & sparkle! 

Do you even like yourself?

Isn't social media just so full on... it's scary that people particularly young people (I'm VERY VERY OLD!) rely on likes on a filtered picture to feel happy in their own skin... and it makes me so sad...

Liking yourself can be so hard, it's a skill that we have to learn in life sadly because it's a feeling that's knocked out of us when we're little, for many reasons... Look at the confidence of a 4 year old, do they like their belly, of course! Their hair, Yup! In fact the only thing on their agenda is learning, playing and having fun! Bullies in school, looking 'different', being good at something, remember how being good at something just made you a target as a swot or teacher pet... all the way through to work life, offices where colleagues are only having a 'laugh' but at your expense, bosses who think they can push you around because they misinterpret kindness and wanting to move forward as 'easy & gullible' to the point you're the office skivvy... I've got all these t-shirts sadly and I can genuinely say I still don't like me very much... Of course there are days when I feel happy about my journey but I still can't see the reflection I want looking back at me, there are darker days when I feel ugly and can't understand why anyone would bother following a failure, a fraud like me... This is how most people think... So how do we get out of that rut? Honestly I'm still working it out... Cutting loose the deadwood who don't care about you is one I can highly recommend... It's very lonely to start with but suddenly you find yourself surrounded by people who really do like you for you, not how many chins you moan about, or the jelly belly... they love you and love being around you because you're you! But it really starts from within... and just look at how amazing we really are! How many people on the planet would love to be able to walk, talk, work and do all the things we take for granted but they can't...  

Stop wondering if people are judging you... if they are it's their problem... I was once sitting in a restaurant with some friends and a woman kept staring over at me... I was SO paranoid! In MY head that woman was judging me for eating my lunch, for having chips, for drinking cocktails... I mean look at the size of me, I should be at home with my mouth stapled... As she got up from her table she walked towards me and I was fully prepared to have a go at her when she asked 'where did you get your coat? It's just gorgeous and I can never find nice jackets in my size?' Floored me! I was about to smack her one if I needed to! People aren't judging you, they've got enough on their mind! We're judging ourselves too harshly... so today, look in the mirror and be kind... that body is the only one you've got and it's pretty awesome! 

Tis the season... AGAIN!

It's the most wonderful time of the year... so they say... I'm not a mince pie fan, so I'll be of no help if you want to know which tastes the nicest... but it is Christmas, if you want to splurge and enjoy a mince pie you can! That's the joy of SmartPoints... save em up and dollop a bit of cream on top! NOTE they're not all the same size!

Here's most of the common culprits you'll find out there!
x

ALDI Cognac Laced Mince Pies, per 65g pie - 11SP

ALDI Luxury Mince Tarts, per 48g mince pie - 9SP

ALDI Mini Mince Pies, per 32g pie - 5SP




LIDL Luxury Brandy Butter Mince Pies, per 60g pie - 12SP

SuperValu Deep Filled Mince Pies, per 64g pie - 12SP 

M&S All Butter Shortcrust Mince Pies, per 54g pie - 9SP

M&S Mini Mince pies, per 2 pack 48g - 9SP
per mini pie, 24g - 5SP
(these are by the sandwiches and lunch stuff) 

M&S All butter Mince Pies, per 58g pie - 11SP

Tesco Mince Pies, per 54g pie - 9SP

Holly Lane Deep filled mince pies, per 65g pie - 11SP

ALDI Gingerbread Topped Mince Pies, per 44g pie - 9SP

ALDI Chocolate Orange Mince Pies, per 66g pie - 12SP

ALDI Salted Caramel Mince Pies, per 65g pie - 11SP

Never give up...

The minute you think of giving up... 

think of the reason why you held on for so long... 

You're worth the effort... 

Christmas is just one day... 

No one wants to start all over again...