I have a personal list... Before I shared it on here, for the ALL the world to see, I'd only ever shown it to my 3 closest friends and every single one of them cried (not my intention!) because they didn't know this is how I really felt about myself... they were sad that this is how I felt about me... and I was too... I'm so good at covering up how I really feel and they had absolutely no idea... I'm always the one to say 'I'm grand... don't worry about me...' when I'm not... but I read it again last night because I needed to remind myself of where I've been, where I am and how I can get to where I want to be...
I’m done!!!!
I am done blaming everybody and everything else for my obesity…
I am done accepting verbal and mental torture from random strangers who don’t know anything about me…
I am done being a compulsive over eater
I am done over eating…
I am done being worried that I wont find something in my size …
I am done being concerned that I don’t look good in something because of my size…
I am done being making excuses…
I am done stressing out about my size and letting it affect what and how i eat...
I am done being the Funny Fat Friend thats great to talk to and hang out with,
but doesn’t get included in things because she’s fat and they don't want to embarrass me...
I am done being paranoid about eating in public, like I’m being judged by what i order and
how i eat it… ‘SHE’S ordering chicken wings .. really?!’
I am done being paranoid about what I buy at the supermarket, if someone looks in my trolly,
would they approve?
I am done feeling sorry for myself! I’m tired of hiding behind fat clothes,
this summer I'm gonna be comfortable!
I am done being super self conscious...
I am done lying to myself...
I am done being lazy...
I am done trying to hide my body...
I am done not wearing the clothes I WANT too but the clothes
I HAVE to to cover me up and make the best of a bad body!
I am done wearing high heels and sitting down most of the time cause they hurt...
I LOVE my shoes too much not to show em off!
I am done not living the best life I can and not just for me but for my loved ones too
I am done putting myself last on the priority list.
I am done watching minutes and days fly by without counting toward
something greater than where I'm at...
I am done being overweight and unhealthy. ..
I am done being unhappy with myself...
I am done making myself feel that I'm not good enough...
I am done feeling bad about what I did to myself...
I am done being afraid to wear shorts in public...
I am done being jealous...
I am done going shopping with them and hanging out with the accessories because
I'm too fat to buy the clothes in their shops
I am done feeling sorry for myself!
I am done being embarrassed to be me...
I am done thinking I'm not good enough...
I am done feeling tired before everyone else...
I am done shopping in only plus size shops!
I am done not being able to wear cute high heeled boots cause my calves are too big...
I am done never wearing an actual dress, only trousers, skirts and tops
because I think they hide my belly better.
I am done carrying around what feels like a whole other person everywhere I go...
I am done saying the words "If only.." and "I wish.." and "One day.."
I am done using food to make myself feel better, it doesn't work...
I am done squeezing into my own bathtub...
I am done saying 'tomorrow' ...
I am done saying I wished I looked like that!
I am done just lying there when I could be on top!!
I am done with the sensible bullet proof knickers.. I want lacy MATCHING stuff and I wanna see it!!!!
I am done feeling embarrassed when we go out to eat because
I know people are waiting for me to pig out...
I am done with shopping in the "special sizes" section, and with the assumption that just
because I'm fat, I must have no sense of taste!
I am done letting the crisps win...
I am done with the muffin tops
and muffin sides, and muffin bottoms, and any other muffin related issues!!!
I am done pretending that my weight doesn't bother me...
I am done feeling tired all the time because I drag this big body around...
I am done making excuses not to lose weight...
I am done thinking I'm ugly just because I'm fat...
I am done with inhibition (going at it with gusto this time! woohoo!)
I am done dreading trying to find jeans that will fit over my ass...
I am done with letting my weight run my life for me!!!
I am done treating my body like its junk...
I am done making excuses because I'm too afraid I'll fail!
failure is not an option this time so there is no excuse!
I am done being looked down on for being overweight...
I am done being teased...
I am done getting weight lectures from my doctor...
I am done having 3 chins...
I am done being the fat girl with 'such a pretty face'...
I am done being self conscious about what my arms look like when I wear sleeveless tops...
I am done starting a diet and then just falling off again...
I am done making excuses...
I am done feeling like the "ugly" friend...
I am done starting and stopping...
I am done thinking that my self worth has anything to do with what I weigh...
I am done not being confident anymore...
I am done not feeling appreciated...
I am done relying on food to make me happy!
I am done feeling guilty!
I am done with sitting on the sidelines!
I am done letting others effect me!!
I am done listening to negative thoughts!!
I am done with negativity!!
I am done not believing in me 100%!!
I am done wasting time feeling bad about myself!
I am done thinking that I have something to prove to others! This is all for me!
I am done stressing about hurtful family members and their big mouths...
I am done letting words hurt me that come from people that have never had a weight problem!
I am done with stretch jeans...
I am done with granny underwear...
I am done covering up my cozzie on holidays...
I am done worrying if I'm going to fit in the restaurant booth...
I am done undressing in the dark...
I am done wondering if the people snickering next to me are doing so because of my weight...
I am done squeezing into what I used to call "my fat jeans".
I am done giving away cute clothes because I don't believe I can ever wear them again...
I am done feeling like the least attractive girl at the party...
I am done buying clothes with elastic waistbands...
I am done wasting my precious life ...
I am done wishing I looked like someone else...
I am done holding myself back...
I am done putting myself last and feeling alone about it...
I am done doing for others because I'm the big girl and what else would I be doing...
I am done saying I don't have time for me, I'm important.. I need to make time for me!
I am done being scared that I won't fit in places...
I am done getting out of breath just going upstairs...
I am done being the FAT friend...
I am done with not having energy. ..
I am done hiding in my own house!
I am done not being able to cross my legs, like a lady...
I am done putting off life until I am "skinny"...
I am done with plus size clothes not even fitting right...
I am done with putting everyone else before me and my health...
I am done feeling like I am going to burst right out of my clothes...
I am done with the rolls of fat that have grown with the sadness...
I am done with feeling miserable all the time...
I am done wearing black everyday because it slims, yeah right!
I am done with hearing "you have such a pretty face, if only you lost a bit of weight...
I am done looking into the mirror and not recognizing the person starring back at me!
I am done not having the outside, match who is on the inside!
I am done DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE!!!!!
Clearly I was DONE!!! but when I feel like I'm hitting a wall... I read it... I read it last night... and I realise that some things on the list don't even apply to me any more... Lots of things on that list don't even bother me now... but it reminds me of where I've been and I don't want to go back there... and THAT gives me the kick in the pants I need...
I wrote it in anger... I was in a very sad place at the time... I remember crying whilst I typed it, hence all the typos and spaces ... but I was furious... furious at myself I know there are lots of things that sound the same... but looking back now I know those issues meant so much... Now I read it with a touch of sadness and realise that I'm a lot stronger and more capable than I ever thought I was... and I'd like to be friends with that girl and give her a hug...
SO if this is what it takes... do it! Write a list of where I guarantee by the time you've finished reading it you'll not only be back on the wagon... you'll be driving it!
Whatever you do... don't regret or feel guilty about what's done... life is very short... Do what you need to do now...