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When I was...




When I was 7 years old, I was put into the school parade 3 classes ahead of mine because I was too tall to stand with my own class, in fact I soared above most of the boys too...




When I was 9, a friends brother told me I was the biggest ballet dancer he had ever seen, my dance teacher told my mother my 'bones were too big'...




When I was 10, I was bullied in school, I heard girls half my size talking about how fat they were.. I looked in the mirror and thought 'well if they're fat, then what am I?' That was when I learned that the only thing I could control in my life at that time was food...




When I was 13, my music teacher told me I looked like a sack of potatoes...




When I was 14, I got boobs... big ones... overnight.... they were to be both my allies and nemesis over the years... older men looked at me in a way that I was not old enough to understand but made me uncomfortable...



When I was 15, My first 'true love' told me I had the fattest arms he had ever seen...  I've been obsessed with cardigans ever since...




When I was 16, a family member started her constant pity party every time she saw me... 'she should have lost the 'baby fat' by now'... her famous one-liner, that so many women hear, still rings in my ears to this day 'such a shame, she has such a pretty face'... Shame about the rest of me eh?




When I was 17, I purged for the first time... I felt in control...




When I was 18, a man told me my thighs were like tree trunks...




When I was 19, men thought I was easy because of my size... the fat girls are always desperate for it right? I worked in bars to get myself through UNI, it was both the best experience in my life and a complete nightmare... I then became obsessed with scarfs and covering my cleavage... but I learned to cope with those situations... I learned the power of humour and how I had that trait in spades... I'm funny, witty.. it's in my DNA... we're a funny family, in every sense and I learned how to use it to make my life a little easier... I used it to cope...




When I was 20, my best friend hung himself... food became my new friend...




When I was 26, a sales woman in a boutique told me, 'there's nothing for you in here... come back when you've lost a bit of weight' as I walked through the door...




When I was 34, a stranger tried to order me a salad in a restaurant...

I have countless examples of how people were being 'helpful' over the years... and I can remember every single one as clear as the moment they were said to me... Am I supersensitive? I don't think so... but I still wonder why people think it's OK to say such things to me, and I wish I could go back now and reply to all of them... or at least stand up for myself...instead of believing what they were saying was true...

I look at all my friends children and hope they don't go through the same... My best friend has a beautiful daughter, she's 3 and just an amazing little human... I know I'm very biased but she just rocks... I intend on telling her how amazing she is for as long as I'm on this planet... I send her funny cards (she loves getting post!), I give her sticker books... and I tell her she's amazing just like her mum every time I see her...  I tell her how fabulous her curls are... what a fantastic dancer she is... how pretty she is and how clever she is to know all her colours, numbers and letters... and I hope that my words will stay with her longer than some of the mindless things that others will say to her over her life... and I will try to defend her and protect her as much as I can from the big bad world...



When I turned 9... 


Today is my birthday... I'm not looking for pity or sympathy, I'm not looking for anything... I'm taking stock as people do on birthdays... and as my gift to myself, I'm not putting up with it anymore... I'm calling people out... I'm naming and shaming... I have spent years being self conscious, years feeling like I don't belong and that I'm not good enough... years telling myself that when I lose weight it will all be better... when I lose weight people will take me more seriously... years of having to prove my talents over and over again because someone judged how I looked before they judged my work... years of 'helpful' comments have destroyed my confidence and self esteem... and it's come from close friends, family and strangers... and I'm not alone... how many girls are going through the very same thing right now? How many beautiful women hate themselves because someone randomly threw a comment at them... it is NOT OK to make people feel this way...

I could have just enjoyed life... If I was the size I was when I was 16 or 24 I'd be thrilled right now... I wasn't fat then... I wasn't... I'm 5'10 with big boobs and I shot up in school before everyone else did...

Today, THINK about what you say to people... engage your brain before you engage your mouth... and if you hear someone saying something out of line to you, or anyone you love, then stop them... you have no idea how much one little comment can affect someone... bottom line, just be kind...



Consider it...

Every person you have ever met, 
every person will suffer 
the loss of his friends and family.
All are going to lose everything 
they love in this world... 

Why you you want to be 
anything but kind to them... 



22 comments

  1. What a beautiful post today. I was sad for you, and sad for me. It's so true how we as children absorb the words said to us. As I read your post and looked at each picture I remembered my own pictures and memories of how I felt about my body and what was said to me. Thanks for boldly sharing something so personal so we can all learn from you. Hope your birthday is the best ever!

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    1. Thankyou for sharing after I posted my thoughts on the Weight-watchers page. I began to worry as nobody replied and I thought maybe I am the only fat person who sees her eating disorder as a form of self harm. I have been big my whole life. A stone 14lb bouncing baby my poor mum. My weight continued to grow but it was only when I started primary/infants school did I realise I was different. All the nasty comments like you said all these years later still remain with me. All the meant well comments too. My only solace and comfort was also my nemesis food. I had no friends and no confidence, luckily at 25 and 25st I seemed to level out. I am 55 now when I was in school fat kids were rare and I suffered for it. I have many friends who accepted me for just being me now. Three wonderful sons and a beautiful grandaughter. With the support of my friends family and Weight-watchers I am down to 15st 7lb. The same weight I was at 15. I still fall off the wagon so to speak and haven't yet found away of stopping this from happening. But you never know one day.......

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  2. People really don't think about what they say - especially to children. How am I supposed to control my height and the size of my feet? I still try to hide my tree trunks and cankles. No shorts or skirts for me. I just can't handle the comments any more. Thank you for sharing. I feel less alone.

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    1. we're not alone, sadly there's thousands like us all feeling the very same.. always here if you fancy a chat x

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  3. Fab post. You look so gorgeous in all these pictures- hope you had a lovely birthday:-)

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  4. Beautiful post. How careless people are with words, it makes me sad sometimes. I try my best to encourage and boost my daughters because I do understand how cruel phrases can stay with you. And Happy Birthday to you!

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    1. It's only if we lead by example that hopefully we'll make a change... Your girls are in good hands xxx

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  5. A great post, a great person but stronger now, embrace what you've learned and pat yourself on the back every day for how far you've come. And Happy Birthday, you share the same birthday as me. Great people were born on Mar 5th!

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  6. A great post, a great person but stronger now, embrace what you've learned and pat yourself on the back every day for how far you've come. And Happy Birthday, you share the same birthday as me. Great people were born on Mar 5th!

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  7. I bet that wasn't easy to write but it resonates so much with me so thank you for sharing. Happy Birthday doll! Much love xxx

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  8. I was put "on a diet" by the school nurse when I was 7. That was the beginning of the cycle. 50 years later, it goes on. I so empathised with your story and admire your bravery and honesty. My father often told the story that he couldn't afford to keep me at ballet classes as a child as the cost to reinforce the floor was too expensive! And he loved me! Happy belated birthday. Jx

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    1. I honestly believe it is a generation thing too... even now I hear older people commenting and I look at them in shock! I know many people who were put on diets in school who still are on diets... had they been left alone, they never would had started xxx much love x

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  9. Amazing post from an Amazing lady....
    Its lovely to see all your family pics of your growing into the strong, amazing & beautiful woman you are today.
    I know this cant have been easy to write
    Happy Birthday Doll xxx

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  10. One thing I learned in life is that there's absolutely no limit to peoples' stupidity and cruelty. When you start thinking that people are finally becoming civilized and kind, there's one person, who will kill that belief for another 2 years. I learned to ignore absolutely everything negative going towards me, because it's a waste of energy and time. The only time I will listen to a person if he/she has some kind of constructive feedback towards something I am doing.

    There's a really good quote I like to live by: "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."

    Would like to wish you a happy birthday and bless your kind soul!

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  11. Only reading this today so firstly Belated Happy Birthday!
    Secondly, thank you for sharing your story, I always find you completely inspirational and motivational <3 x

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  12. Funny what people can do to us....

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