and finally...

December 31 Prompt: Core story. What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month. Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.)






My story is a recent one.. one that has only come to life in the last 6 months.. I've been hiding myself away.. eating my problems and letting people walk all over me.. I've let them.. and I've only recently found my voice.. and I love it! I know that 2011 is going to be great.. I can already see it.. I can already feel it.. I can tell that so much positive things are going to happen because I'm determined to not let anyone put me down... Life now comes with a bottle of truth serum.. I tell it like it is.. and you know what's strange.. no one seems to be THAT upset about it.. people are just finding another way to get things done... they are realising that if I say NO.. I mean NO.. not my usual "um.. uh.. OK.. well I don't really have the time but I suppose I can put my life on hold to help you".. even though these same people wouldn't do the same for me.. some are shocked.. "what does she mean no?!?!" ... but with shoulders back, and head held high they can see I really mean it.. Some are realising that there is just no messing about anymore.. I've got weight to lose.. a lot of weight.. I've got to finish our house this year.. I want to go back to college.. I want to feel alive again.. I want to feel happy and content.. I come first.. everyone else will just have to wait! Finally it is all about me, me, me! Happy 2011 ... it's looking good! x

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SPOLIER ALERT... the gift was edible...

December 30 Prompt: Gift. This month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. What's the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year?


A pic is all this one needs.. in bed morning of my birthday... with the BEST cup of tea... I'd like to say it was something more amazing like world peace or the cure of cancer.. but hey maybe that was someone else's gift!






I'm gonna miss REVERB10!!! Last day tomorrow... sigh...

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Excuse me ... I'm having a "moment"

December 29 Prompt: Defining moment. Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year.



image © matthew cabaj

oh dear god.. another moment... am I missing out on all these moments I should be having? Should I be worried? 2010 didn't have a defining moment.. at least nothing life changing.. I suppose taking control of my health is life changing but there was no specific "moment" ... I mean I do have my "moments" and there are those moments in every day life like, being in bed and listening to the rain outside... picking up a towel after a shower and its warm... waking up to see that there's still a couple of hours till the alarm goes off... finding money in your winter coat or a handbag you haven't used for AGES! ... to laugh till it hurts... these are "moments" I have experienced this year and they make me who I am.. there's been awkward moments.. hysterical moments... moments of confusion and bizarre moments.. magic moments.. intimate moments.. tragic moments.. but nothing ground breaking though... nothing that defines my year or defines me.. they just all add up to my year .. and my life.. who I am... I think I should go brainstorm some "defining" moments I should be having in 2011 .. monumental... cathartic.. glorious... humbling... joyful... eek!

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What's your number???

December 28 Prompt: Achieve. What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.
 



I want a healthy BMI

NO.. its not a number on a scale, its not a dress size... I am obese... morbidly obese and this number, a healthy BMI means that I can ease the worry on my family, I can stop stressing about diabetes and all the other problems that I will get if I remain at this weight... I can shop in normal stores... I can walk into a restaurant and not feel my paranoia take over that everyone is staring at me and judging me... some people are just having their dinner (oh the self importance! LOL) ... I will feel content... safe... sane...

Brainstorm...
1. Go hunt out my mood board... and stare at it!

2. Say out loud - I will succeed!

3. Repeat step 2!

4. Hang up the dress I bought to wear when I get to goal..
Hold it up against me... see how far I have to go.. feel it ..
smell it.. twirl about in it!

5. Check my emails.. everyday I get amazing support from total strangers
who are on the same journey as me.. people who put it to me straight!
Sometimes they don't even know how much they help!

6. Breathe deeply - I am alive, well and happy...
I am healthy and the only way is up!

7. Lovesme unconditionally ...
and there to support me!

8. Delete the "friends" I've accumulated who aren't supportive..
Would I like to be "friends"? .. um NO actually, unless you're a positive,
living-life-to-the-full kinda person .. then no thanks!

9. Plan a healthy supper tonight... holidays are over!

10. Respect myself! right now!

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oh joy!

December 27 Prompt: Ordinary joy. Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?

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if music be the food of love...

December 26 Prompt: Soul food. What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul?



oh dear god... PURE torture!!! I was going to start being very clever when I glanced at this first thing this morning... I was wafting around .."if music be the food of love..." ... "knowledge is the food of the soul" ... "Music is the movement of sound to reach the soul for the education of its virtue" ... "Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul" ..... blah blah blah... however.. then I read it through and realised they actually MEANT food, real food... What has gone into my mouth to touch my soul??? nothing, I repeat, NOTHING has gone into my mouth and touched my soul! It's landed quite safely on my thighs and hips! Completely bypassed my soul and headed straight to my belly and arms... I'm only just learning to enjoy and savour food again... to eat slowly and TASTE it... not hoover it down to drown out my feelings... I"m only just relearning to respect my body... in 2011 I'm taking my time, slowing down... I'm going to enjoy my food and never pick the same thing from a menu twice when we're going out to a restaurant... variety ... spice of life... to quote Mr. C.S. Lewis "You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body."

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a face like mine!

December 25 Prompt: Photo – a present to yourself. Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.

I never thought I'd land in pictures with a face like mine.
Audrey Hepburn





OK a pic of me is a rare thing in this world... I'm far happier vlogging and being on the other side of the camera... I just hate a still pic.. probably because I over analyse them... and deconstruct them... critique them ... but this pic.. taken in a late bar in New York on St. Patrick's day sums me up! We had travelled there to celebrate with the Irish and it was total BALL! This shows that I do have a fun side and its OK to let it shine through... Happy Christmas Doll x

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