Anyone who follows me on social media knows I've been miserable with the whole weight loss and blogging thing for the last few weeks... I've was thinking about giving up the lot and just taking a break from it all... Toys were going to be thrown out of the pram... there were tears after class in the car this week... not just because I was up but because I just can't find the motivation to get myself back into gear and I'm frustrated with myself... Hence this is the first blog post for June!
I was suppose to be visiting my best friend this weekend and I was really looking forward to it but things went against us and I had to postpone it for a few weeks... I got a bit sad about it all but I happily used that excuse for the tears to flow, it was the catalyst needed to get me to COP ON... When someone asked me why I was so upset, there was lots of reasons... it wasn't because I hadn't seen her in a while, she lives in the UK and it's hard to get together more than once or twice a year... Sadly my closest friends all live abroad and I don't get to hang out with them so I miss them loads... Nor was it because her gorgeous daughter is growing up so fast before I get a chance to really spoil her... Those are genuine reasons but honestly I just needed some time to myself and to be myself and I can be with her... We weren't planning anything too mad, a facial, manicure, a potter round the shops, fancy tea and ALL of the chats... but this weekend, whilst I was at home, I realised that recently, I've fallen back in to the trap of trying to please everyone and in that madness I'm not happy myself any more... it's so easy to say 'yes' to people all the time, when you really just want to say 'FECK OFF and let me do what I want'... That's not selfish... when people and jobs drain you, they're not good for you... I've spent the last two weeks over thinking a situation with a friend who really doesn't deserve that much brain space, because if the shoe was on the other foot she wouldn't do the same, I know this for sure! When things that were fun and enjoyable become a chore then it's time to think 'why?' and remember why you started in the first place and how to get the joy back... I know there are some not-so-nice things in life that we HAVE to do but if the decision is ours to make, then we've got to learn to pick ourselves first sometimes...
I've spent the last few days soul searching and thinking about what I really want... ME.. what do I really want? And what's stopping me from doing it? I've realised I'm taking things WAY to personally... I'm trying to fix the world and their problems and I'm pushing mine to the sidelines because I don't think they're important enough... Guess what, the world won't stop turning if I don't help every single living creature on the planet, who knew?! Good old reliable me actually needs ME!
I've also been hunting for my mojo and whilst I don't think I'm back driving the wagon yet, I'm certainly feeling a little better about the journey and where I stand now... a perfectly timed email about an hour ago from my leader has really helped, it's like she knows when I need it most! I'm telling you folks, the right leader is just magic!
So this week put YOU top of the list... I'm back on top of mine from today! If you're in a good place, everyone who loves you will be in a better place because of it... Here's to the next stage of the journey yeah? xxx